i was thinking that today would not be a bad one. school was not good as ever, but being with my mum was awesome. around 5pm we decided to came home. at 5:30pm i was standing outside of our house and had a smoke in fully peace - for a time. he came. i was counting... 5...4...3...2...1...hello. this hello was the prettiest word for me in that 30 minutes. i was called a bitch again. a slut. a devil one. i was thinking that i can only laugh on him. but sadly all the good memories came back today. they made me cry. i do not wanted to cry, but there was no other opinion. my tears were pouring, i was sitting on my bed and searching after "why". why the hell do this all happening to me? i am not in love with him any more, i want to forget him. that year was a mistake, a huge mistake from me. i just...wanna be the old me, who was happy all the time, had lots of friends and never felt alone. someday i feel that i am lost. not physically, more mentally. i am a headstrong person, who always thought that the best way is what her heart says. no, it is not. you have to hear what your brain is saying aswell. i never wanted to listen to it, i was too naive. i was thinking about a better future, that i would really have someone who will respect and love me. like that 8 friends in my life, whom are precious for me. i will not notice them here, their heart knows the truth.
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