feelings. ~

i have got feelings. i can be a very rude person, but the sweetest too. senses are swirling inside of me. sometimes they are tommy-tedder.

everybody has a side what he/she wants to hide. well, i have got one too: the depressed, unwanted and lonely me. that is my other half what comes outside somedays and it lasts here for days. right now i feel unwanted. no depression or loneliness, just being unwanted. i really don't care about my friends (except of Mara and my bestie here), i am not calling anyone. because i have no reasons. if i am not calling someone, then i am not called neither. and that sucks. people don't care about me (family is always an exception btw). then why should i? why should i write for that person who is precious for me but he does not give a shit for me? like we have never spoken, never laughed together. i am sick from the "i do not want to hurt you" part - can't you realise that you are doing THAT?! meh nevermind. you won't change only because of me.

i have lost some friends last year and now they want to be my friends again. but STOP. i am sick from you too. your liars, censoriousness and crass stupidity are deranging me. look inside of you and think about yourself. and when you ALL realised what my problem is maybe we can talk again. but friends? oh c'mon, you can't be serious. i really hate people who think that they are the middle of the world. who are saying stupid things to be famous and popular. i am puking from you. the news about you spoilt my appetite. you are all rude. can you hear? RUDE. and people like you all are UNWANTED. with caps lock, yeah. before someone thinks that my brain went to a vacation i have to reveal that no, i just have had enough from all of this days ago. sarcasm is the best definition for me right now. i feel kinda good.

i am straightforward, so maybe someday that precious someone will say a "sorry" for me.

 i just have to wait.